9/1/2022
My name is ‘Dad’ and my son needs help.
Often, when tragedies occur, there are interviews with friends and family who claim that they could not imagine a person committing such horrible acts. As I look at my son, and the path he’s heading down, I am fearful of what he might do to himself or others. We feel unsafe with him at home. I am trying to intercede and get him on a better path, but I am being blocked at every attempt. Here is our story.
Due to abuse and neglect in the home, I received sole custody of my son when he was two years old. He has been receiving psychiatric and trauma-based care since that time. We are grateful for these interventions, but he is not responsive to these treatments. As a young child, as young as two years old, he was frequently kicked out of daycare for attacking other kids. As he has gotten older, things have gotten more extreme.
In February of 2020, we were at the University of Michigan Psychiatric ER. Due to his aggressive tendencies, and his need for one-on-one supervision, we were informed that there were no beds available for him in the entire state and he was placed on a wait-list for the U of M pediatric psychiatry sub-unit. After nearly a day in the ER, he was sent home and we were referred to a local hospital in the morning to see if they could find a bed. We spent the night at a hotel and drove straight to Pine Rest Christian Mental Health’s Grand Rapids facility the next morning. There, we met with someone for intake and were promptly informed that he was too severe for them and that since he would need one-on-one supervision, there were no beds available. We were told to leave and were not even given any documentation that our visit took place.
About a month later (March 2020) our son’s turn on the wait list came up and he had his first inpatient stay at the University of Michigan pediatric sub-unit. He was there for nearly a month. For a while, things were better, and we were able to keep him out of the hospital for 14 months.
He was subsequently hospitalized in October of 2021 in Indiana, then in November of 2021 at Harbor Oaks, and then back in the U of M sub-unit in December of 2021. He is now, in July of 2022, currently back in Indiana, set to be released next week after an estimated 10-day stay. We had tried to get him into Pine Rest, but we were again informed (via the hospital social worker) that he would need one-on-one supervision and that it could be a months long wait. This leads us to the current situation.
As stated above, he is currently inpatient for extreme violence, along with suicidal and homicidal ideations. This is his 4th hospitalization in 10 months. His in-patient psychiatrist, social worker, and nursing staff believe that residential treatment is appropriate at this time. Even while in the hospital, he has been attacking other patients and staff 2+ times a day. There have been two separate incidents where he has bitten other kids on the face.
My days have been spent on the phone, trying to get my son more help. I started by calling Wedgwood Christian Services. They informed me that referrals must come through either MDHHS or the juvenile court system. You can also find this information on their website. I went into the local MDHHS office and, after going through several people, I finally found out that they cannot refer a child to residential services unless they have an open Children’s Protective Services case that warrants removal from the home due to the abuse of said child. My son does not fit these criteria.
I then called the juvenile prosecutor for my area, who informed me that because my son’s name had never crossed his desk, there was nothing he could do. He could only work with kids who were being charged for delinquency or some other juvenile legal issue. So, because I do my best to protect anyone who interacts with my child, I was told that there was nothing that they could do. My son has to harm someone severely enough to create a criminal case against him before they can help.
I went to my local county Community Mental Health, where he receives outpatient therapy, and spoke to a wonderful woman who informed me that the way that the system works, CMH pays for the therapy aspect of residential treatment for the patient. She stated that either the juvenile court or MDHHS has to pay for the room and board. If we do not have both pieces, there is no help.
Because my son attacked my parents in July, which lead to the county sheriff’s office being called and his present hospitalization, I made a call to Adult Protective Services in order to file a report on my parents behalf. The centralized intake worker quickly informed me that because my parents do not live with my son, that it is a police issue and to call them instead.
So, the bottom line is this. In order to get my son the residential help he needs, he would need to be removed from the home by CPS, or he would need to injure someone so severely a juvenile legal case would be initiated against him. These are two things that I cannot do, therefore I am being denied help.
When tragedies occur, people claim that they could not imagine the suspect committing such horrific acts. Well, I can see my son, whom I love more than anything, committing these terrible actions and I am trying to intercede and get him more help. The juvenile mental health system in Michigan is beyond broken. I am screaming out for help to protect my son, to protect my wife and I, and to protect society, but I am being ignored.
We are not alone in the problem we are facing. The problem is systemic. There needs to be wide-spread change in the state and federal legislature for pediatric psychiatric funding. Insurance companies need to provide funding for families who do not have court orders or CPS cases levied against them. Children need intervention before they are in trouble with the law or removed from the home.
If you have a similar experience, please reach out and share your story. I know there are more children out there needing more help. We need to be the voice for these children who are not getting the help they need.
5/20/2021
May….Mountains, Miracles, and Other Mothers
May….with it’s budding life, sprouting green wisps, new born fresh feathers…
Purple flowers and green speckles peeking through barren brown landscapes,
And the magical warmth of springtime sun.
Breaths of hope mixed in with the scent of fresh cut grass and worms….
Reminders that all things do indeed renew…start over, breath in fresh air and hope..
Hope springing in May which also brings Mother’s and Mental Health Awareness Days..
Blowing in a need, a desire, a feeling and most importantly a responsibility
To speak out and share tales of survival, encouragement, a glimpse of what can be…
A splash of hope for the canvas of the live’s of other mothers…currently in the thick of it…
Mothers right now.. treading as fast as they can to keep their kids heads above the waterline…
Or their own…as tears of frustration, exhaustion and fear flood their path and cloud their vision
But never their purpose… As they work tirelessly round the clock
Using every ounce of strength and energy they have to support their kids,
make connections, find someone who will listen, help, a bed or treatment.
Fighting on even as doors keep slamming, backs keep turning and their kids keep dipping
Pushing, fighting, pleading to get them the help they so desperately need and deserve
To get them to the other side so they can be…who she knows they are and can be.
Moms, like me – who too have weathered this unpredictable storm
Frantically grappling for the right words to get them and you through…
Those dark, airless moments, when they can’t find their way
or put their hands on the truth you have taught them
That they are a wonderful magnificent creature – a gift to you, themselves and the world.
May always brings re-birth and renewal but along with it memories of another day in May
Where brief glimpses of sweet innocence or casual ignorance flutter by like butterflies..
Like a cool breeze just before ‘the call’….signaling that our lives had truly spiraled totally out of control.
Thankfully this May like many more before and since
All in their world and mine is well
So take a moment and breath in the fresh new air
Believe that there is hope and light
That can and will shine through the darkness…like grass through the frozen ground
And always remember that
You are not at fault….the problem…
Nor do you have to be or have all the solution
And most importantly..
You are not alone!
~ Anonymous
There is Hope!
My brother has been suffering from depression and severe anxiety since he was younger. He was prescribed prozac at a young age in order to lesson his symptoms and help him thrive in his social and academic environments. The prozac helped him immensely but he still went through waves of depression and anxiety (however his[Read More…]
5/13/19
I’m a mom of 3. My middle child is an 11year old son who has been diagnosed with autism. He is also predisposed to bi-polar and schizophrenia. I adopted him at birth and, unfortunately, he wasn’t provided prenatal care.
My son has been kicked out of 2 public schools and sent to a behavioral school which only made his issues worse as one of his conditions is mimicking. The behaviors that he learned there were horrendous as well as he was bullied because these students were not developmentally delayed.
I just recently was able to get him removed from there and FINALLY put into an autism classroom with only 5 other children and there is 1 teacher and 3 paras. It’s amazing and it is the first time in my son’s educational life that he is receiving an actual education. There is definitely a learning curve for my son as he has never had to participate in a classroom setting but is thriving.
Unfortunately, my marriage did not survive the trials and tribulations of raising a child with mental illness. However, his father is quite involved and more so than he ever was while we were married. They now have a good relationship which just makes my heart smile. His 2 siblings support him and do a great job “going with the flow” but let me tell you, it has been very hard. Over the years, he has been very violent to his siblings, me, our dog, and our babysitters. There was a time when I thought we were going to have to hospitalize him, but I wasn’t able to find a suitable facility for him. This left me with no option but to do all of his med changes in the home.
I put locks on his siblings doors and made “escape plans” for when things got out of control. This is not what you’d hope for in family life but we have made it to far 11 with him and we have his temperament relatively stable as of today. I know this will change as we are approaching puberty which scares me immensely!
We, as a family and me as a single parent, have been judged, stared at, and whispered about. This has made my passion for taking away the stigma of mental health in children a passion of mine.
I am sharing my story in hopes that it will help others know that they are not alone.
1/31/15
My child was nine before I finally realized that maybe I needed more help then I originally realized. She was always a “handful” but I just assumed that was a typical child. She thrived at school. She had friends and was decent to teachers and staff, enough that they considered her an average student, academically and personality-wise. It seemed at school she went un-noticed by adults but at home she had frequent mood swings. She could be happy for minutes to days then all of a sudden be screaming and yelling at me.
When she was happy I was happy. I am a single mom; it is just her and I, and our little dog. But when she was angry even I was scared. She would throw things and scream, “I hate you! I hate all of this!” When she was coming down from one of these fits it was as if nothing happened. One day she took a swing at me, hitting me in the eye. I knew that this wasn’t just normal behavior.
I made an appointment with her doctor to discuss her behavior. He suggested that she might have bipolar disorder. Maybe there WAS a reason for her behavior! He referred her to a local psychiatrist. From there we had an initial appointment where she was asked a ton of questions. Eventually, the psychiatrist agreed, she most likely had bipolar disorder. My daughter has begun a medication regimen and is seeing a therapist weekly.
She is doing much better. We are doing much better!
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